The Richest House on Earth

One evening in my bedroom there was a pudgy cherub hovering over my head, then I look over and there's a mini, yet grown up Charlie Brown as if he's aged past his better days in the cartoons business. The two are binge drinking paint, and the audience is astonished causing Ace Ventura to grind his Mask-esque teeth. There's a quail belching on his shoulder from eating Ace's plate of guano. I pivot my legs off the bed and stand up. Clever Odysseus is standing next to Ace, approaches me for a handshake, and offers to bring me on a tour through the rest of the house. I see Obama's famous ruby and blue 'Hope' poster and think about how at one point he was inelectable. But I also understand that I have to follow Odysseus who wants to leave the room's harbor into a sea of carpet. I'm a room addict and it's a painful habit, but in order to get out Odysseus has to negotiate with the door man who thinks he's landlord of the tenement. His emotion is coming from the stress on his life as a door man, the boring reputation the position carries. Odysseus empathizes with him but I feel bad for him, so bad that I have to blaze past them out of the room to the bathroom, which is the first door on the right.

There I see Brett Favre and Peyton Manning having a tea party, telling jokes, and playing with one of toys with wooden balls, the one you play only while waiting for the doctor. Brett Favre has come up an epithet for his jokes, 'A-four-ism' he calls it as he points at his jersey. 'Get it?' Peyton calls him an old man and makes fun of counterpart's gray neard. They exchange more knowledge and deny each's credibility in their art until Manning makes a metaphor referencing the man behind the curtain. 'He'll know, he's the one with all the answers.' Manning grabs the shower curtain and opens it to find Cain and Abel in a tub of gold coins. You should've seen our faces, we were stunned to the point that our eyes pop out of their sockets. I couldn't see straight, we all thought we were being tricked or dreaming, but but then we hear a rooster coming from the cuckoo clock over the toilet. Then two WWII Russian comrades come to the bathroom door. One has carnival glasses attached to a chop stick and asks if there is any arm-and-hammer for his rash. I impulsively find some, give it to him, he obliges, and then tells us to come out because we're missing the party, they're calling it the 'Axiom of Evil' which will show that our spirits aren't down because of the war. 'What war?''Come, we'll help you remember.' There's another older comrade standing behind him holding many hammers and sickles, like a vendor, with the look of a deer-in-the-headlights. Next I follow them out of the bathroom to find several girls dressed as dalmatians in outfits receiving receipts from a fat and charming caterpillar as they enter my brother's room on the right. I reluctantly pass by and shout out 'Dang!' as I stub my toe on the wall.

Sure enough, there's the George Clooney from ER welcoming me to the living room as if I were his patient without and stamps my hand with a excerpt from the Bible, it's too small to read because the passage is quite long and the ink letters small. Anyways, I'm admitted into my own living room. The first person I see is the The Queen of England with a large coin for her date. Colin and Ryan are performing props the improv game. There is a large decrepit New Mexican tapestry, I may not like it but it's an antique. On the couch is a squash pressing the cushions, he has a briefcase which appears to be bleeding. Leaving the kitchen is a Lucky Charms mascot going downstairs. Waiting for him next to the side banister has polls painted as rainbows is a Wendy's mascot. Then coming out of the laundry room is a heavyset Miles Veater eating a burger with Towelie who's wearing a Towelie tee shirt under a robe.

The End - There's plenty of space left in this palace. My next task is steep, to follow the mascots descending the steps and attempt to take they're masks off.

buxom, churl, precocity, tinge, gnash, quell, insidious, opal, ineluctable, ardor, rheumatic, timorous, banal, mitigate, malaise,

promissory, amicable, samovar, abacus, aphorism, jeer, ingenuous, amiable, lucre, ruse, physiognomy, impetuous, lorgnette, venerable, derisive, soiree, axiom,

vaudeville, emanation, wheedle, pangs, homeopath, parenthetic, expatiate, recompense, apropos, casuistry, trepidation, quash, carrion, iridescent, balustrade, inveterate, frock, calico,

precipitous